"The Secret" isn't real?

One of the many benefits of my profession is getting the real privilege of intersecting with many thousands of people each year. It allows me to get a pulse of what people are excited about, worried about, what they're reading, and much more.

I was amazed last year when I heard so many otherwise seemingly intelligent people embracing Rhonda Byrne's book The Secret. The more I heard the more I couldn't believe that people were buying into it.

It eventually led to me writing the book Shining the Light on The Secret.

Though there's reduced buzz about The Secret, it nonetheless remains #2 on the New York Times Best-Seller for hardcover advice books. So it brought some pleasure to read Richard Roeper's piece in today's Chicago Sun-Times about "The Secret Conspiracy."

Enjoy.

Labels: worldview

posted by Andy at 1:23 PM  

Are You Leading or Are They Leading You?

Earlier this week I had a discussion late into the evening with Allan Holender, author of Zentrepreneurism. Though I have some rather significant worldview differences with Allan's proposed ideas, I greatly enjoyed our discussion and look forward to future conversations with him.

A comment from Allan that caught my attention was a quote from Jim Rohn: “You become the average of the five people you hang out with the most, so choose them carefully.” This is similar to the wisdom of Solomon: "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." (Proverbs 13:20).

I've heard this referred to as the Law of Association and find it intriguing, both personally and professionally.

Perhaps you've learned what took me longer to grasp in my early management experience than it should have: the importance of surrounding yourself wisely. Surround yourself with Yes men and you'll find a group of people who willingly go over the cliff with you professionally. Surround yourself with people who can respectfully but firmly dissent or provide constructive criticism and you have gained a priceless gift (while avoiding more pain than you might realize).

In our leadership and project management workshops we talk about personality styles and the power of having diverse styles on teams. The varying approaches to detecting issues, solving problems, and looking at the world can keep us sharp and stretch us beyond the comfy chair of status quo.

Yet you become the average of the five people you hang with the most. In my willingness to appreciate and interact with people who can think quite differently from me, I must also stay aware of who is doing the leading and following.

Pre-adult years are so critical: hang with the wrong people and they take you down a bad path (as in "Bad character corrupts good company" in 1 Corinthians 15:33). Yet whether a teenager or a well seasoned professional, if you only hang out with like-minded people, your thinking can be complacent and too black-and-white.

How can this dilemma be resolved?

The path I'm pursuing is to surround myself with an inner core of people who are good examples, willing to speak truth to me, stretch me in a positive way, and keep me accountable. I seek extended time with these people. In this case, I'm being led, in the most positive sense. Hopefully I am able to spur them on in a positive direction as well but in this inner core (or Rohn's "five"), it's my desire to make sure it's a positive influence.

Yet I don't want to fall prey to the tainted wisdom you would find in, for example, the book The Secret. Author Rhonda Byrne recommends that if you want to avoid, say, being fat, avoid fat people. I understand a friend's weight standards can influence another's, and if someone spends extended time with a negative influence, I have no problem with reducing their exposure to that person. But Byrne's recommendations are at best incomplete and at worst repulsive.

NOTE: For a critical review of The Secret, see my new book: Shining the Light on The Secret).

Rather than avoid those who are different, I want to engage with them. However, as the title of this blog states, it's important to keep track of who is influencing who. To what degree are you influencing them? In what ways are they influencing you?

I enjoyed my discussion with this Buddhist business author, but there is nothing in the discussion that changed my worldview (not out of closed-mindedness but because the alternative worldview seems sorely lacking).

Aspiring leader, here are my challenges to you:

• Who are some of the best influences in your life? Are you spending enough time with them to spur you on in a positive direction?
• Who are some of the worst influences? Are you spending too much time with them?
• How often are you interacting with people who think differently from you? Hopefully they can expand your thinking but may I also suggest you keep an eye on whether their influence is for the better or the worse?

Surround yourself wisely, with those who influence you personally and professionally in a positive direction, and with those toward whom you can influence in a positive way.

Labels: conflict, leadership, personality styles, project management, worldview

posted by Andy at 8:59 PM  

Leadership Musings on the Olympic Opening Ceremony

Our family had some quality time in front of the tube this weekend, watching the 2006 Winter Olympics in Torino, Italy. I always enjoy the creativity of the opening ceremonies, often being somewhere between fascinated and bewildered, depending on the year and the wackiness of the production.

I have to think Italy could have done better than "Freak Out", "Funkytown", and "I Will Survive" during the Parade of Nations. I was expecting more Pavarotti than Bee Gees.

But I digress. Here's a leadership thought to start your week off with….

Think Peaceful Thoughts
Though many may have found the singing of John Lennon's "Imagine" a perfect fit for the Olympics, I had to scratch my head at the ironies. Don't you wonder what Lennon would have thought about having his song highlighted in a commercialized, multi-million dollar, corporate funded event such as the Olympics?

There's more. Consider the irony in the lyrics:

"Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do"

It wasn't just Peter Gabriel's singing that made it hard for me to do. This is an event that is all about countries and celebrating national pride for our champions. Clearly the Olympics are about coming together in peace, if only for a couple weeks. Yet an objective reading of Imagine's lyrics shows it has more to do with a Marxist worldview than what most people would accept as a path to peace.

I've come up empty trying to find the lyrics to the "Peace Poem" read by Yoko Ono. Here's what it sounded like to me: "Think peaceful thoughts… Do you want peace? Think peaceful thoughts. Spread the word. Think peaceful thoughts."

I'm not reliving bitterness here about Yoko breaking up the Beatles. This is a leadership blog after all. So, where's the leadership lesson?

I run into too many managers that think they can resolve conflict using the Peace Poem Technique: "Think peaceful thoughts!"

Can't you hear the lyrics?

Imagine there's no Marketing,
It isn't hard to do.
No HR to warn us.
No bean counters too…

If you have to work with one or more humans, opportunities for conflict abound. And if you think holding hands and singing Kumbaya (or Imagine) is going to make everything better, you are a dreamer. And unfortunately, you're not the only one.

Hope is Rarely A Good Strategy
Dealing with conflict is a messy business that requires skills and intentionality. Being optimistic about favorable outcomes can be helpful and sincerely desiring harmony is fine. Yet hope is rarely a good strategy, and I see way too much hope applied as a wishful salve when it comes to the bloody wounds of conflict.

I respect the rights of those who demand the U.S. leave Iraq right now. I understand and share their desire for the bloodshed to end--I have loved ones over there. Yet I rarely hear responsible alternatives beyond "Give Peace a Chance".

I respect managers who want their teams to get along with other teams. I get that you may not agree with how another group is handling an issue that's causing stress. But wishful thinking doesn't cut it.

I fundamentally believe that learning to deal with conflict in a responsible way is one of the key skills sorely lacking in managers today. We can help you and your organization develop these skills. Give us a call to learn about our workshop "Beyond the Rock and the Hard Place: How to Deal with Conflict More Effectively" and our use of the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument.

Oops, got to go. Kids are excited about watching Shaun "The Flying Tomato" White on the halfpipe. "Imagine there's no gravity, it isn't hard to do…"

Labels: Beyond the Rock and the Hard Place, conflict, culture, Olympics, peace, strategy, TKI, worldview

posted by Andy at 8:38 PM